Football

TOTW #2

Wayne Hennessey (Palace)

Made some good saves to keep Spurs at bay for most of the match. Gets the nod over Ben Foster for conceding one less goal.
Michael Keane (Burnley)

It’s easier to keep a Taylor Swift & Donald Trump sex tape quieter than it is Liverpool’s front 3 but Keane did so with ease. Could be in line for an England call-up.
Laurent Koscielny (Arsenal)

You can imagine him rolling up to a game on a Sunday morning in his hatchback just before kick off. Quick pre-match fag and then straight to business. Mopped up well and a welcome return for the Gunners.
Curtis Davies (Hull)

2/2 appearances in team of the week for Davies after another dominant display. Will be on Big Sam’s radar.
Cristhian Stuani (M’Boro) STAR MAN

2 goal hero. Not bad for your premiership debut. His name sounds drunk.
Paul Pogba (Man Utd)

Ran the show on his Old Trafford return. How much did he cost again?
Gareth Barry (Everton)

Veteran Barry seems to have been around forever but rolled back the years on Saturday and grabbed the winner. Celebrated with a pint of milk and a kit kat.
Nordin Amrabat (Watford)

Lively performance caused Chelsea a few problems and had a hand in the hornets goal.
Sergio Aguero (Man City)

Hard to see him not winning the golden boot this season. Rapid little Kun.
Andre Gray (Burnley)

Gave Liverpool’s defence the runaround. Which isn’t the hardest thing to do, but he did it well.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Man Utd)

Bullet header helped fire him into the team for the second week on the bounce. Proper geezer.
Manager of the week:
Sean Dyche (Burnley)

Was probably a bear in a previous life. Gave Liverpool a grizzly awakening.
Goal of the week:
Cristhian Stuani’s first v Sunderland.

15 mins into his prem debut – top bins. What a hit son.
Bad week for:
Joe Hart (Man City) On the Judi Dench and a new keeper on his way has left him broken Hart-ed. At least he’s dandruff free.

By Darren Wells.

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