The transfer window always throws up plenty of thrills, spills and dodgy deals. This window though has been more wacky than El Hadji Dioufs dress sense, and Harry Redknapp’s not even been involved. For the first time Premiership clubs spent over a billion squid in what has been the most overpriced and out of control window in history. Here we go through the good, the bad and the ugly.
Most talked about:
Paul Pogba (Man Utd) – Smashed the record fee in the long running transfer saga which eventually bored everyone, except Stormzy. Wasn’t far off contributing to one tenth of the 1 billion total himself. POGBACK.
Least talked about:
Emmanuel Adebayor (Released) – Released on a free by Palace. How the mighty have fallen.
Leon Osman (Released) – Another released, this time from Everton. Quiet departure for England one-cap wonder.
Alvaro Arbeloa (West Ham) – Veteran right back joins West Ham on a free for a season. Still looks like a 16 year old Spanish waiter.
N’golo Kante (Chelsea) – Hard to look past Pogba, but I will, purely as Kante was one of the best players of last season and has started well for Chelsea. You could also fit him in your hand luggage, which is good to know.
David Luiz (Chelsea) – The best business the blues ever did was sell David Luiz for £50 million. It was daylight robbery and they had PSG’s pants down in full view of the world. The worst thing they’ve done, is buy him back. He may be able to swazz a free kick in the back of the net but thats hardly priority for a centre half. He is an accident waiting to happen and whilst he looks like Sideshow Bob, he defends like Krusty the Clown.
Best value for money:
Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Man Utd) – It’s like Man United got a free pick at a striker tombola. Step right up, pick a striker, any one you want (except from Madrid and Barca) and I’ll tell you what – you can have him for free. What’s the catch? Well he’s getting on a bit and can be stroppy at times, but he’s still quality and loves a goal.
Worst value for money:
Ryan Mason (Hull) – There’s been quite a few, but other than David Luiz, I can’t get my head round £13 million for Ryan Mason – quite spectacular. Daniel Levy’s a shrewd man.
Jack Wilshere (Bournemouth) – As Paul Merson so aptly put it, Bournemouth have got a £30 million player for next to nothing. He’s probably nearer to 45 mill but the question is whether Jack is still the talent he was. I’m backing him.
Alvaro Negredo (Middlesbrough) – History will tend to tell you that teams with a goal scorer tend to stay up. Negredo notched a fair few at title-winning City not so long ago and he’ll do the same for the ‘Boro.
Loic Remy (C. Palace) – Fairly prolific goalscorer can recapture his goal scoring boots on loan at Palace.
Ones to watch:
Lucas Perez (Arsenal) – Praise the Lord and sing from the rooftops – Arsene Wenger finally signed a striker! Wasn’t quite what most Gunners had in mind but all eyes will be on Perez to deliver the goals they’re looking for. He could be the next Henry but then again he could be the next Reyes……time will tell.
Sadio Mane (Liverpool) – Came with an eye-raising price tag but a wonder goal against Arsenal and seeing him rip apart Barcelona in pre-season has made Liverpool fans giddy. Could be their Mane man this season.
Idrissa Gueye (Everton) – Such was their awful campaign, most Prem clubs wouldn’t touch any of Aston Villas players from last season with a sh*tty stick. So it’s a credit to Gueye that Everton snapped him up and he’s started off very well this term. A man in the Kante mould.
Joe Allen (Stoke) – Following an impressive Euros, the mini-Welsh hobbit switched to Stoke in search of first team football. It will be interesting to see how he fares as his quest for the ring continues.
Jordon Ibe (Bournemouth) – A chance to show what he can do with regular game time under less pressure. Has a headline-friendly surname too.
Jeff Hendrick (Burnley) – Impressive Euros and a chance to shine in the Premiership. Plus he’s a hunk.
In this window there have been plenty of huge transfer fees knocking around so the biggest gamble could be a pick of many. The higher the fee the higher the profile and these will be more heavily scrutinised should they fail.
Christian Benteke (C.Palace) – Was a goal machine at Villa but lost his way at Liverpool. Confidence looks shot and 32.5 million is huge money for a side like Palace.
Moussa Sissoko (Spurs) – Impressive at the Euro’s but must have been victim to the monsters from Space Jam last season as he was MIA for Newcastle’s relegation fight.
Islam Slimani (Leicester) – Who? £30 million on a 28 year old from the Portuguese league on deadline day – has the desperate smell of Robinho to Man City, without the reputation.
Good move for:
Alex Manninger/Stuart Taylor (Liverpool/Southampton) – Remember them? Ex-Arsenal stoppers have got themselves cushty roles as number 3 keepers at Liverpool and Southampton respectively. Picking up pennies for nothing.
Bad move for:
Joe Hart (Torino) – A seasons loan in Torino was not what Joe had in mind.
No move for:
Saido Berahinho (West Brom) – He’s a bit like a double drink measure, everyone wants it but not if they have to pay over the odds for it. Saido was so desperate to get away from the Hawthorns that he went on holiday 2 days before the window closed.
Rob Holding (Arsenal) – £2 million looks a snip.
Mario Balotelli (Nice) – Really is nicking a living as a footballer. What a waste.
Moussa Sissoko (Spurs) – Declared his love for Arsenal…….before eventually signing for Tottenham. Way to go Moussa.
By Darren Wells